"I married my husband so people could stop calling me an evil mistress'- says Ese Walter who had an affair with COZA pastor
On her
IG page this morning, Ese Walter said she married OAP Benny Ark, just to shut
people's mouth up. She revealed that she didn't love him when they got married
two and a half years ago and had issues trusting him so many months after
marriage. She says she has gotten some help and is currently dealing with all
the issues. She shared the photo above and wrote;
"When I agreed to
marry him two and a half years ago, I didn't love him. Heck I didn't love my
own self. I just needed a change of story. I needed to stop being the girl
everyone called an evil mistress and "graduate" to somebody's Mrs. I
thought the Mrs title was going to save my ass and bring me some sort of
redemption. I was wrong.
Calling what happened next a disaster is putting it mildly. Weeks into living together brought out the worse in both of us. I thought I made a mistake. I didn't trust him so why was I married to him. We would argue over everything and I convinced myself I wanted out despite the baby on the way. In therapy I was able to face my own demons for the first time. I realised it was never about him or the other guys I dated. I was always looking for a fix outside of myself. I was always needing someone to take away the pain and save my lonely self. I was looking for what I wasn't because I thought that could heal me.
Calling what happened next a disaster is putting it mildly. Weeks into living together brought out the worse in both of us. I thought I made a mistake. I didn't trust him so why was I married to him. We would argue over everything and I convinced myself I wanted out despite the baby on the way. In therapy I was able to face my own demons for the first time. I realised it was never about him or the other guys I dated. I was always looking for a fix outside of myself. I was always needing someone to take away the pain and save my lonely self. I was looking for what I wasn't because I thought that could heal me.
Months of living outside
my comfort zone and going where the pain was brought me face to face with my
demons that saved me. I didn't trust him because I didn't trust me. I couldn't
love him because I had no love to give. I was always blaming him because it was
easier to project than take responsibility. As I started to evolve and see my
own self, I was able to see him for the first time. As I started loving myself,
I was able to love him and now as I learn to trust myself, I am trusting him,
one day at a time. As I lay beside him last night I remembered a quote I read
sometime ago. I don't remember who said it but it read, "when you love the
one you got, the one you got becomes the one you love." When I stopped
trying to change him and let him be, I was able to give room for his own
evolving. He ain't perfect. Who wants perfect anyways? I am learning that all
is as it should be in the Universe, there are no mistakes only feedback. The
Universe brought the one I needed for my evolving and I am thankful. GRATITUDE
is my dominant feeling this morning. If you are struggling with the one you
love, know that the world's standard of love is fucked up. Vibrate higher and
love because of love.
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